blue moon is rising

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Fate of god

   Setelah sekian lama menyepi, tiba-tiba terasa nak menulis pulak sebuah cerita rekaan yang tiada kena mengena dgn yg hidup mahupun yg dah mati... Tak tahu mcm mana nk mula.. Aku ada kml seorg kwn yg bernama Miss X. Dh lama rasanya knl beliau sjk dari ambilan jun sesi 2009/2010 lagi. Mulanya aku rs mcm biasa saja sehinggalah sesi ke 2 2011-2012 ni aku mula berasa semakin luar biasa. Aku x tahu mcm mana nk luahkan disini tp aku sbnrnya fhm dan sngja menipu diri sndri buat-buat xfhm dan x nk fhm. I was curious with myself, why i should keep thinking of her, why i should always remembering her, and hope she feel the same way like i do.. and why all of this feeling were coming to me just too late. It was just too late to take an action even trying to sort of the things out. 

   I realized that we should not further our relationship from the beginning since I'll already have a girlfriend since before we mate in tg malim, i have to admit i'll just not too good enough 4 her since she is the good one  (perempan yg baik2) compared to me who have a demon inside. ha3 and i'll have to be doubt mybe i was involved in unrequited love since i'll have nothing include behaviour, attitude, credibility or even good looking to attract her. I'll just have nothing. I was to afraid to tell her that I was falling in love with her but i just can't make sure since when.

   But now it was already too late. I'm just starting to blame myself since she said to me i was knowing her since the beginning of our journey at university but i was doing nothing to get her. If we could go back to the start since the first time we mate, of course i should leave my girlfriend to her. But as i said it's already too late. Our relationship already reach 3 years and right now she already have someone else and she also has a good plan for her future.  For us to become together is impossible. They are a lot of the problem will occur and there are a lot of people feelings we need to take care. 

   I dont blame her but myself. But before it's already ended up. I'll just need to know, is she feel the same way just like what i feel right know, is she like me or even love me just what i do. I'm just feeling very happy and calmly when she's around me,I'll always being myself in front of her, honest and even told her about my past. If she just read what i was writing right know it's already make me happy because finally I want to let her know how's my feeling about her. Thanks 4 being my special part in my life. I may not regret because i would never be with you. Because i believe with the fate of good. I will not cry because it almost over, but i will smile because it happened. Thanks for the good memories. I will always remembered all of them. Thank you. 

*ustaz Azhar pernah ckp jodoh, rezeki, dan ajal maut semua sudah ditentukan pada kita oleh Allah sejak dalam kandungan ketika berusia 4 bulan, semua itu tercatat di loh Mahfuz.
- i'll wonder sapelah jodoh aku nanti.. :-) 


  1. because I do not want 2.. the consequences 4 my action if i doing that will be to0 harm... They are a lot of the problem will occur and lot of people feelings we need to take care.It's ok if she doesn't be with me because she already have a good one.. :)

    1. nice attitude,,hope u will find someone better than her..;)

    2. Of course I would love 2.. thanks 4 ur pray.. surely I will have a good one later.. ^_^